All day breakfast in a tin

 

         All day breakfasts in a tin are the most heinous, offensive and vile food stuffs that exist. Firstly, I abhor beans. Their smell and texture revolt and repulse me, leaving me feeling violently sick. Not only do all day breakfasts in a tin contain beans, but they also, and perhaps more offensively contain sausage, burger, bacon, lamb cutlet, mushrooms and egg. Why would you put cooked egg in a tin? More to the point, the percentages of the tin’s content on the back has given me many sleepless and restless nights. Allegedly, the tins only contain 8% meat but more than half of the contents are supposedly meat. Worrying.

          My dislike for all day breakfasts in a tin was perpetuated by an experience I had in the house that I lived in during my first year of university. Vividly, I remember coming downstairs, hung-over, into our communal kitchen. My five other housemates were standing around, drinking tea and chatting about the previous night. Meanwhile, my housemate from Bolton, in her broad Bolton accent was struggling to get the all day breakfast out of the tin. She shouted from the corner of the kitchen where the cooker was, ‘Can’t get ‘t out, it’s stuck, tin’ s farting!’ Due to the breakfast’s horrendous texture and consistency, it was literally making slurping noises as it came out of the tin. This was followed by a ghastly smell of congealed fake meat and beans. Vile!